My name is Johnathan Noah Nyrd. When I was in the world, many people knew me as Noah Byrd. Since my incarceration, I've been called Bird or Birdman. I'm not a big fan of being called Johnathan, John, or Noah. Here, that kind of thinking leads one to start thinking they're people and that leads to a world of heartache. The state of Texas wants us to be Convict, Offender, inmate, or even Boy. The sad thing is, after so much time in, I get it.

I'm currently in Kenedy, TX, but I grew up in Tyler, TX, the biggest city behind the Pine Curtain. I never really cared too much for it. The countryside is some of the prettiest in Texas, but the whole area is way too Southern Baptist Evangelical Conservative for me. I’m not knocking it; I’m just saying that it’s not my bag.

There wasn’t a whole lot to my life before coming to prison. I dropped out of high school at seventeen and then went to junior college before I dropped out after one semester and joined the Army. I left the Army after a knee injury, moved back to Tyler, and became a drunk. A drunk who held a job and went, again, to junior college, but still a drunk. I thought the best place for me was at the bottom of a whiskey bottle. There’s a Charles Bukowski poem called 5 Dollars where he says, “The bottle is damned faithful, he said, the bottle will not lie.” That is the truth. No matter how much you screw your life up with it, it is always the same.

I’ve changed a lot since coming to prison. None of it was instant. I still hurt a lot of people from here during my first two decades. I’ll talk more about that below.

I live my life here in the basic stereotypical ways. I work out, but I am no longer fanatical about it. I read a lot so I have a lot of opinions about many subjects. My favorite fiction book is A Clockwork Orange. It was my favorite in the world, but it is banned here. The best non-fiction book for me is The Path of the Warrior Mystic by Angel Miller. I also read Marcus Aurlius’ Meditations every day. I’m a big fan of history, philosophy, and the occult. I’m not a practitioner of anything occult. I find it interesting. My favorite movie is Legends of the Fall. I like most types of music except Jazz. It feels as if someone is hitting me in the ear with a hammer made from tiny, sharp bits of ground-up chaos. I’m also not a fan of bro-country or any electronic stuff like house or dub-step. That shit is soulless. If I had to pick a favorite band, it would be The Doors. I think we all go searching for the Lizard King at least once in our lives.

Well, that’s a glance at me. If you want to write, the easiest way is to do so via email through Securus Tech. If you send a letter to the digital mail center, I know it might take me a few months to get it, but I will write back to you. If you do write, know that I’m honest. I won’t try to bullshit you. I know that everyone out there has a story, and I’d like to hear yours.

Now, I would like to take this opportunity to say that I am sorry to all of the people who have suffered and continue to suffer because of my crimes. I ask for your forgiveness even though I feel undeserving of it. I feel it is selfish of me to ask, but many programs I’ve taken here say it is the first step in the healing process. I’m not sure I believe that since I think some wounds cannot heal, but anything I can do to let you know how sorry I am, I will try and do. I’m also sorry if any of you find this to be an inappropriate platform for this subject, but since it will be up for the rest of my life, I thought it best at hand. I thought maybe if you’re ever searching my name, there would be a chance that you would come across this.

This doesn’t just apply to the victims of my crimes. I mean it to anyone I have ever caused any pain or sadness. I know that I was a selfish, drunken, drug-addicted coward who pushed most of the people in my life away and pissed away all of the opportunities that were provided for me. I’m sorry to say that my first fifteen years in prison were spent in the same way. I will never call myself a good man, but I am changed.

Some of you have already forgiven me, and I am grateful. Your forgiveness lessens some of the weight of guilt and shame that bears down on me daily. Thank you.
Some of you will never be able to forgive me, and I understand. I know that the pain, loss, and suffering that I caused you is greater than anything I could imagine. Please know that I am sorry and will always be sorry.

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